Nice one I found in the Internet
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Annoy your coworkers, Linux style
Make sure you have ‘beep’ installed. Try it out by executing beep at the command prompt. If you don’t have it, just ’sudo apt-get install beep’ and you’ll be on your way.
Now, open up a terminal, and paste this in:
while true; do sleep $(($RANDOM/1000)) && beep -f 2000 -l $(($RANDOM/100)) ; done
Lock your terminal and go to lunch. When you get back from lunch, just CTRL+C to stop the annoyance.
Now, open up a terminal, and paste this in:
while true; do sleep $(($RANDOM/1000)) && beep -f 2000 -l $(($RANDOM/100)) ; done
Lock your terminal and go to lunch. When you get back from lunch, just CTRL+C to stop the annoyance.
SHOULD I SHUT OFF THE MOTOR WHEN I'M IDLING MY CAR
HERE'S THE RULE OF THUMB: If you're in a drive-through restaurant/business line or waiting for someone and you'll be parked and sitting for 10 seconds or longer... turn off your car's engine.
Why??
For every two minutes a car is idling, it uses about the same amount of fuel it takes to go about one mile. Research indicates that the average person idles their car five to 10 minutes a day. People usually idle their cars more in the winter than in the summer. But even in winter, you don't need to let your car sit and idle for five minutes to "warm it up" when 30 seconds will do just fine.
But you're not going anywhere. Idling gets ZERO miles per gallon.
The recommendation is: If you are going to be parked for more than 30 seconds, turn off the engine. Ten seconds of idling can use more fuel than turning off the engine and restarting it. And when you start your engine, don't step down on the accelerator, just simply turn the key to start.
An alternative to idling is to park your car, walk inside, do your business and then go back to your car.
Here are some other Myths associated with idling.
Myth #1: The engine should be warmed up before driving. Reality: Idling is not an effective way to warm up your vehicle, even in cold weather. The best way to do this is to drive the vehicle. With today's modern engines, you need no more than 30 seconds of idling on winter days before driving away.
Myth #2: Idling is good for your engine. Reality: Excessive idling can actually damage your engine components, including cylinders, spark plugs, and exhaust systems. Fuel is only partially combusted when idling because an engine does not operate at its peak temperature. This leads to the build up of fuel residues on cylinder walls that can damage engine components and increase fuel consumption.
Myth #3: Shutting off and restarting your vehicle is hard on the engine and uses more gas than if you leave it running. Reality: Frequent restarting has little impact on engine components like the battery and the starter motor. Component wear caused by restarting the engine is estimated to add $10 per year to the cost of driving, money that will likely be recovered several times over in fuel savings from reduced idling. The bottom line is that more than ten seconds of idling uses more fuel than restarting the engine.
Why??
For every two minutes a car is idling, it uses about the same amount of fuel it takes to go about one mile. Research indicates that the average person idles their car five to 10 minutes a day. People usually idle their cars more in the winter than in the summer. But even in winter, you don't need to let your car sit and idle for five minutes to "warm it up" when 30 seconds will do just fine.
But you're not going anywhere. Idling gets ZERO miles per gallon.
The recommendation is: If you are going to be parked for more than 30 seconds, turn off the engine. Ten seconds of idling can use more fuel than turning off the engine and restarting it. And when you start your engine, don't step down on the accelerator, just simply turn the key to start.
An alternative to idling is to park your car, walk inside, do your business and then go back to your car.
Here are some other Myths associated with idling.
Myth #1: The engine should be warmed up before driving. Reality: Idling is not an effective way to warm up your vehicle, even in cold weather. The best way to do this is to drive the vehicle. With today's modern engines, you need no more than 30 seconds of idling on winter days before driving away.
Myth #2: Idling is good for your engine. Reality: Excessive idling can actually damage your engine components, including cylinders, spark plugs, and exhaust systems. Fuel is only partially combusted when idling because an engine does not operate at its peak temperature. This leads to the build up of fuel residues on cylinder walls that can damage engine components and increase fuel consumption.
Myth #3: Shutting off and restarting your vehicle is hard on the engine and uses more gas than if you leave it running. Reality: Frequent restarting has little impact on engine components like the battery and the starter motor. Component wear caused by restarting the engine is estimated to add $10 per year to the cost of driving, money that will likely be recovered several times over in fuel savings from reduced idling. The bottom line is that more than ten seconds of idling uses more fuel than restarting the engine.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
8 Gifts That Do Not Cost A Cent
1) THE GIFT OF LISTENING...
But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming,
no planning your response. Just listening.
2) THE GIFT OF AFFECTION...
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses,
pats on the back and handholds.
Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and
friends.
3) THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER...
Email fun pages to your friends. Share articles and funny stories.
Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."
4) THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE...
It can be a simple "Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet.
A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime,
and may even change a life.
5) THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT...
A simple and sincere, "You look great in red,"
"You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal"
can make someone's day.
6) THE GIFT OF A FAVOR...
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.
7) THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE...
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone.
Be sensitive to those times
and give the gift of solitude to others.
8) THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION...
The easiest way to feel good is to
extend a kind word to someone,
really it's not that hard to say, "Hello" or "Thank You".
But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming,
no planning your response. Just listening.
2) THE GIFT OF AFFECTION...
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses,
pats on the back and handholds.
Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and
friends.
3) THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER...
Email fun pages to your friends. Share articles and funny stories.
Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."
4) THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE...
It can be a simple "Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet.
A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime,
and may even change a life.
5) THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT...
A simple and sincere, "You look great in red,"
"You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal"
can make someone's day.
6) THE GIFT OF A FAVOR...
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.
7) THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE...
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone.
Be sensitive to those times
and give the gift of solitude to others.
8) THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION...
The easiest way to feel good is to
extend a kind word to someone,
really it's not that hard to say, "Hello" or "Thank You".
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
* * See our old currency * *
Victoria Portrait Series
The first set of British India notes were the 'Victoria Portrait' Series issued in denominations of 10, 20, 50, 100, 1000. These were unifaced, carried two language panels and were printed on hand-moulded paper manufactured at the Laverstock Paper Mills (Portals). The security features incorporated the watermark (GOVERNMENT OF INDIA, RUPEES, two signatures and wavy lines), the printed signature and the registration of the notes.
.bmp)
Rupees Ten Rupees Hundred
British India Notes facilitated inter-spatial transfer of funds. As a security precaution, notes were cut in half. One set was sent by post. On confirmation of receipt, the other half was despatched by post.
.bmp)
Half Note
This series remained largely unchanged till the introduction of the 'King's Portrait' series which commenced in 1923.
.bmp)
Green Underprint - Rupees Five Hundred
.bmp)
Green Underprint - Rupees Five
.bmp)
Red Underprint - Rupees Fifty Small Denomination Notes
The introduction of small denomination notes in India was essentially in the realm of the exigent. Compulsions of the first World War led to the introduction of paper currency of small denominations. Rupee One was introduced on 30th November, 1917 followed by the exotic Rupees Two and Annas Eight. The issuance of these notes was discontinued on 1st January, 1926 on cost benefit considerations. These notes first carried the portrait of King George V and were the precursors of the 'King's Portrait' Series which were to follow.
.bmp)
Rupee One - Obverse
.bmp)
Rupee One -Reverse
.bmp)
Rupees Two and Annas Eight - Obverse
King's Portrait Series
Regular issues of this Series carrying the portrait of George V were introduced in May, 1923 on a Ten Rupee Note. The King's Portrait Motif continued as an integral feature of all Paper Money issues of British India. Government of India continued to issue currency notes till 1935 when the Reserve Bank of India took over the functions of the Controller of Currency. These notes were issued in denominations of Rs 5, 10, 50, 100, 500, 1000, 10,000.
.bmp)
Rupees Fifty
.bmp)
Rupees One Thousand
.bmp)
Rupees Ten Thousand
the Bank's issues to January 1938 when the first Five Rupee note was issued bearing the portrait of George VI.
.bmp)
Rupees Five - First Note issued by Reserve Bank of India
This was followed by Rs 10 in February, Rs 100 in March and Rs 1,000 and Rs 10,000 in June 1938.
.bmp)
Rupees One Hundred
.bmp)
Rupees One Thousand
In August 1940, the one-rupee note was reintroduced, once again as a war time measure, as a Government note with the status of a rupee coin,
.bmp)
Rupee One Obverse
.bmp)
Rupee One Reverse
.bmp)
Rupees Two
As an added security feature, the security thread was introduced for the first time in India.
.bmp)
George VI Profile
.bmp)
George VI Frontal
The George VI series continued till 1947 and thereafter as a frozen series till 1950 when post independence notes were issued.
The first set of British India notes were the 'Victoria Portrait' Series issued in denominations of 10, 20, 50, 100, 1000. These were unifaced, carried two language panels and were printed on hand-moulded paper manufactured at the Laverstock Paper Mills (Portals). The security features incorporated the watermark (GOVERNMENT OF INDIA, RUPEES, two signatures and wavy lines), the printed signature and the registration of the notes.
.bmp)
Rupees Ten Rupees Hundred
British India Notes facilitated inter-spatial transfer of funds. As a security precaution, notes were cut in half. One set was sent by post. On confirmation of receipt, the other half was despatched by post.
.bmp)
Half Note
This series remained largely unchanged till the introduction of the 'King's Portrait' series which commenced in 1923.
.bmp)
Green Underprint - Rupees Five Hundred
.bmp)
Green Underprint - Rupees Five
.bmp)
Red Underprint - Rupees Fifty Small Denomination Notes
The introduction of small denomination notes in India was essentially in the realm of the exigent. Compulsions of the first World War led to the introduction of paper currency of small denominations. Rupee One was introduced on 30th November, 1917 followed by the exotic Rupees Two and Annas Eight. The issuance of these notes was discontinued on 1st January, 1926 on cost benefit considerations. These notes first carried the portrait of King George V and were the precursors of the 'King's Portrait' Series which were to follow.
.bmp)
Rupee One - Obverse
.bmp)
Rupee One -Reverse
.bmp)
Rupees Two and Annas Eight - Obverse
King's Portrait Series
Regular issues of this Series carrying the portrait of George V were introduced in May, 1923 on a Ten Rupee Note. The King's Portrait Motif continued as an integral feature of all Paper Money issues of British India. Government of India continued to issue currency notes till 1935 when the Reserve Bank of India took over the functions of the Controller of Currency. These notes were issued in denominations of Rs 5, 10, 50, 100, 500, 1000, 10,000.
.bmp)
Rupees Fifty
.bmp)
Rupees One Thousand
.bmp)
Rupees Ten Thousand
the Bank's issues to January 1938 when the first Five Rupee note was issued bearing the portrait of George VI.
.bmp)
Rupees Five - First Note issued by Reserve Bank of India
This was followed by Rs 10 in February, Rs 100 in March and Rs 1,000 and Rs 10,000 in June 1938.
.bmp)
Rupees One Hundred
.bmp)
Rupees One Thousand
In August 1940, the one-rupee note was reintroduced, once again as a war time measure, as a Government note with the status of a rupee coin,
.bmp)
Rupee One Obverse
.bmp)
Rupee One Reverse
.bmp)
Rupees Two
As an added security feature, the security thread was introduced for the first time in India.
.bmp)
George VI Profile
.bmp)
George VI Frontal
The George VI series continued till 1947 and thereafter as a frozen series till 1950 when post independence notes were issued.
Chanakya's Quotes Worth reading a million times.
***************************************************
"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are victimised first."
***************************************************
"Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."
***************************************************
"The biggest guru-mantra is:
Never share your secrets with anybody. !
It will destroy you."
***************************************************
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."
***************************************************
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions -
Why am I doing it,
What the results might be and
Will I be successful.
Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
***************************************************
"As soon as the fear approaches near,
attack and destroy it."
***************************************************
"Once you start a working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."
**************************************************
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
***************************************************
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
***************************************************
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
***************************************************
"Books are as useful to a stupid person
as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
***************************************************
"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
***************************************************
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Lyrics of Annie's song Mahiya
For the Fans of Annie's Mahiya Song
i wish u could see urself the way i see ya
u shine juss like a star mahia
cuz ur my only pyar mahia
maine tujh ko ye dil may basaya
tu hai mera pyar mahia X2
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi hai mera pyar mahia x2
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi hai mera pyar mahia x2
y dont u tell me mahi
ma mind at ease
how do u wish to see the loyalty in me
appnee wafa ka iqrar kya karoon
mar jaoon tujh ko jo dil sey zuda karoon
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi ha mera pyar mahia x2
mahai u r i set ma soul on fire
i felt juss like a rose mahia
when i was in ur arms mahia
i cant imagine that like without u where i'd be
im ur lady i'll go where ever u take me
terey beghair jeenay ki khaish nahin
main terey saath hoon lay chal mujh ko kahin
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi ha mera pyar mahia x2
mahia ur i set ma soul on fire
i felt juss like a rose mahia
when i was in ur arms mahia
i don't care where we go or stay or wut we do
ill take u r bain consider becuz i love u
jaisay bhi haal main rakhoo gay main rahoon
dukh bhi milay to pyar main haans kay sahoon
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi ha mera pyar mahia x2
i wish u could see urself the way i see ya
u shine juss like a tar mahia
ur my only pyar mahia
maine tujhh ko he dil may bhasaya
tu hi mera pyar mahia X2
mahai ur i set ma soul on fire
i felt juss like a rose mahia
when i was in ur arms mahia
i wish u could see urself the way i see ya
u shine juss like a star mahia
cuz ur my only pyar mahia
maine tujh ko ye dil may basaya
tu hai mera pyar mahia X2
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi hai mera pyar mahia x2
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi hai mera pyar mahia x2
y dont u tell me mahi
ma mind at ease
how do u wish to see the loyalty in me
appnee wafa ka iqrar kya karoon
mar jaoon tujh ko jo dil sey zuda karoon
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi ha mera pyar mahia x2
mahai u r i set ma soul on fire
i felt juss like a rose mahia
when i was in ur arms mahia
i cant imagine that like without u where i'd be
im ur lady i'll go where ever u take me
terey beghair jeenay ki khaish nahin
main terey saath hoon lay chal mujh ko kahin
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi ha mera pyar mahia x2
mahia ur i set ma soul on fire
i felt juss like a rose mahia
when i was in ur arms mahia
i don't care where we go or stay or wut we do
ill take u r bain consider becuz i love u
jaisay bhi haal main rakhoo gay main rahoon
dukh bhi milay to pyar main haans kay sahoon
tu nay aisee adda say mujhay dekha
dil ho gya nisaar mahia
tu hi ha mera pyar mahia x2
i wish u could see urself the way i see ya
u shine juss like a tar mahia
ur my only pyar mahia
maine tujhh ko he dil may bhasaya
tu hi mera pyar mahia X2
mahai ur i set ma soul on fire
i felt juss like a rose mahia
when i was in ur arms mahia
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Essay writing
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author,
Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.
Really Dont know how far this is true..
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING
QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A
PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I
have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making
them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic
slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook
Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a
veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the
subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large
suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On
Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of
charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I
have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last
summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me
fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day
and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I
know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have
performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week;
when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I
successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a
small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a
toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San
Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and
I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.
Really Dont know how far this is true..
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING
QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A
PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I
have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making
them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic
slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook
Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a
veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the
subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large
suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On
Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of
charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I
have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last
summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me
fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day
and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I
know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have
performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week;
when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I
successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a
small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a
toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San
Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and
I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Sledging in Cricket...
With the Jelly bean episode beaming on the englishmen, I thought about putting this good old forward...
nice one regarding sledging.
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Sledging has always been a part of cricket. Even the great WG Grace did it.
Once in an exhibition match given out leg-before, he refused to walk and told the umpire: "They came to watch me bat, not you bowl". And the innings continued.
Grace's ability to stand his ground would have done Sunil Gavaskar proud. Once, when the ball knocked off a bail, he replaced it and told the umpire: "Twas the wind which took thy bail orf, good sir."
The umpire replied: "Indeed, doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on thy journey back to the pavilion."
The best WG Grace sledge was on him, though, not from him. Charles Kortright had dismissed him four or five times in a county game - only for the umpires to keep turning down his appeals. Finally, he uprooted two of Grace's three stumps. Grace stalled, as though waiting for a no-ball call or something, before reluctantly walking off with Kortright's words in his ears: "Surely you're not going, doctor? There's still one stump standing."
The Prasad Vs Sohail Incident: Hero to Zero in 3 easy steps
Chasing India's score of 287-8, pakistan got off to a flyer of a start, Amir Sohail and Saeed Anwar went about tearing the Indian bowling attack. Pakistan looked all set to win as they reached 110 odd for the loss of just 1 wicket within the 15 overs.
1. Play a Great Shot: Amir Sohail was completely bent on demolishing the Indian bowling to pieces, charging down the track to the faster bowlers (if u can call Prasad that) in this particular case he came down the ground (a good 4-5 steps, anymore and he would have hit Prasad too) and slashed the bowl over vacant off side area... the ball disappeared into the fence in a flash .... what followed has since been etched in the memories of every cricket fan in the subcontinent.
2. Act Oversmart:Amir Sohail is no Miandad. But he tries to be,and fails miserably. Sohail after hitting the shot pointed his bat the area where the bowl had disappeared and then towards Prasad apparently gesturing where he will send the next one.
Its not everyday that you see a batsman sledging the bowler, and Sohail was about to learn just why.
3. Get what you called for: Sohail attempting to repeat the shot (albeit with his feet stuck to the ground this time) made room and exposed his stumps, and his weakness, and in return lost his wicket and his face.
As the wicket lay uprooted, Prasad returned the favour to Sohail, pointing to the pavilion this time.
The comeback was truly remarkable, almost a miracle .... Prasad has bowled thousands of deliveries and taken hundereds of wickets in his career but, it was this one granted him a place in the History of Indian Cricket .. for ever... the ghost of Miandad's last ball six was exorcised, once and for all.
Steve Waugh Vs Curtly Ambrose Episode.
It really does not get any bigger than this, the two legends of cricket came face to face, literally and engrossed in a verbal duel in a test match in Trinidad. All the juicy details were not to be known until Steve Waugh came out with his autobiography.
Ambrose repeatedly stared Waugh down during a searing spell, and Waugh, who sized up the towering Ambrose, said: "What the f*ck are you looking at? "
Ambrose was stunned because, as Waugh says (in his Autobiography), "no one had ever been stupid enough" to speak to him like that.
Ambrose replied, "Don't cuss me, man", before Waugh's response, which had nothing to do with bowling.
"Unfortunately, nothing inventive or witty came to mind, rather another piece of personal abuse: 'Why don't you go and get f*cked.' "
The Windies skipper Richie Richardson had a hard time keeping Ambrose from hurting the Aussie.
McGrath Vs Brandes
In a showdown of best pacers of two countries, Brandes made up for his complete absence of batting skills by some displaying some great sense of humor and presence of mind.
Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit."
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset. Glamorgan quickie Greg Thomas had beaten Viv Richards' bat a couple of times and informed the legendary West Indian ace: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."
Merv Hughes and Viv Richards
Merv Hughes usually never short of a word while on the field, rarely keeps quite. During a test match in the West Indies Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*ck off."
Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir
The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan. Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence Sachin Tendulkar was facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crows jeered and mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying ""Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over. The frustaded mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying "Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`).
Sachin was silent, since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking. Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, David had felled Goliath ... and a legend was born.
Ian Healy Vs RANatunga
Ian Healy's made a legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c*nt!"
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan
Sarwan, the West Indies vice-captain, and McGrath went toe-to-toe in an ugly shouting match in Antigua in May 2003, The incident was sparked after Sarwan, on his way to a match-winning second-innings century, reportedly reacted to lurid taunts from McGrath by telling him he should get the answers from his wife, who was recovering from radiation therapy for secondary cancer.
The details:
McGrath: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*cking rip your F*fing throat out."
Mark Waugh Vs Adam Parore
Mark Waugh was standing at second slip, Adam Parore relatively new to cricket came to the crease played & missed the first ball.
Mark Waugh- "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're fu*king useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt". “
Ravi shastri v/s Mike Whitney
Its common knowledge that Indian's usually don't resort to sledging, and the Aussies swear by it. In this rare ocassion the tables had turned and it was the Aussies who were at the receiving end.
Shastri hits the ball towards Mike Whitney (the 12th man in the game) and looks for a single, this guy gets the ball in and says
Whitney: "If you leave the crease i’ll break your f***ing head"
Shastri didn't bat an eyelid before replying : "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
Merv Hughes Vs Cronje
Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.
After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.
Robin Smith and Merv Hughes
During 1989 Lords Test, Merv Hughes said to Robin Smith after he played and missed: "You can't f*cking bat".
Simth replied, both with the bat and with words, he smashed Hughes to the boundry and said "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f*cking bat and you can't f*cking bowl."
Team mates Sledging
England were playing Pakistan and, at what turned out to be a crucial moment later on, Frank Tyson managed to get an outside edge off a Pakistani batsman after the batsman had been frustrating them on a hot sweaty day. The ball went right through the hands of Raman Subba Rao who was standing in first slip and through his legs. After the over Raman heads over to the bowler and says, "Sorry Frank, I should've closed my legs." Frank Tyson, who didn't find any of this amusing, quipped back, "No, you bastard, your mother should have."
Ian Healy Vs a Short chubby batsman
In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike.
Ian Healy yelled to Warne, "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped"
The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics, all this was before a classic reply from the batsman.
The exact words: "Nah, Boonie (David Boon) fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."
Miandad Vs Lillee
Miandad played Lillee to square leg and completed an easy run, with a collision taking place in the center. According to Miandad, Lillee had tried to block him in the path. After a verbal exchange, Lillee went ahead and kicked Miandad on his pads. Miandad, started charging towards Lillee with his bat lifted high above the head, as if to hit him. The umpire’s intervention prevented what could have turned out to be a real assault had Miandad gone head with his plans. However, the picture of Miandad hurling his bat at Lillee made the whole incident look even worse, and was promptly declared as the most indignified incident in the history of Cricket.
Lillee’s version, to this day, had Miandad first hitting him with the bat, and then swearing at him. He maintained that there was no contact from his side throughout the incident.
Note: The author is awsare if the fact that this incident has nothing to do with sledging, but found the temptation of mentioning the episode was too hard to resist.
The Frog Jumping incident, 1992 India Vs Pakistan
India vs Pakistan matches are always a treat to watch, and if its the World Cup its stakes are even greater. Javed Miandad, the Bad boy of cricket, at the receiving end for once. Miffed by the verbals from Kiran More, he complains “Insaan khel rahe hain janwaar nahin” (Human beings are playing not animals). And after a sharp run out chance, where Miandad closely survives Miandad starts jumping up and down, face distorted imitating Kiran More’s appealing. A sight to behold. Pure comedy. Pakistan loses the match but go on to win the cup.
'I did it instinctively', Miandad later told. He added, 'Hey, is this the way you appeal for everything? Don't appeal like that'.
Dropped the Cup?
Perhaps the most famous sledge in a World Cup match took place the epic Super Six clash between Australia and South Africa (in 2003). South Africa looked on course to a routine victory with Australian captain Steve Waugh at the crease and on 56. At that stage, Waugh clipped the ball in the air straight to South African fielder Herschelle Gibbs. In his haste, Gibbs dropped the ball when attempting to throw it in the air in celebration as he had not fully controlled it. As he passed him, Waugh is said to have asked Gibbs: "How does it feel to have dropped the World Cup?". Waugh carried on to make an unbeaten 120 and Australia posted an unlikely win and won the World Cup a few days later.
Waugh has however denied that quote, instead claiming that he said "looks like you've dropped the match".
Hughes Vs Miandad
The inimitable Merv Hughes has forgotten more about sledging than most people will ever know, so he was more than a little miffed to be on the receiving end in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan. Hughes and Javed Miandad almost came to blows after the Pakistani batsman dared to call big Merv a "fat bus conductor". But revenge was sweet for Hughes. A few balls later he finally got his man and as Miandad walked past, he could not resist shouting "Tickets, please!"
Dennis Lillee Vs Sunil Gavaskar
Dennis Lillee and Sunil Gavaskar, were involved in a war of words in the 3rd Test, MCG, February 1981. A historic win for India in that Test would definitely not have taken place had Sunil Gavaskar not calmed down. He clashed with Australian fast bowler Dennis Lillee, who Gavaskar claims abused him after claiming his wicket and the Indian captain asked non-striker Chetan Chauhan to walk off the field, forfeiting the match. Gavaskar was batting on 70 when Lillee appealed for a leg before decision. Gavaskar showed his bat to the umpire, indicating he had ‘nicked’ the ball before it hit his pads. Angry words were exchanged between the batsman and the bowler, and Lillee even went to the extent of pointing to the batsman the spot where the ball had his pads. The decision went in favour of the bowler and as Gavaskar started his long, dejected walk back to the pavilion, Lillee turned around and abused him. That was it. Gavaskar snapped, and decided to forfeit the match.
Later, Gavaskar was to write in his book ‘Idols’: “That (the walkout) was the most regrettable incidents of my life. Whatever may be the provocation and whatever the reason, there was no justification for my action and I realize now that I did not behave the way a captain and sportsman should.”
Flintoff Vs Tino Best
Best, never short of a word or two when he is bowling, was done up like a kipper by the England all-rounder as West Indies slumped to defeat in the first Test. Flintoff saw his opponent preparing to face Giles' off-spin and shouted: "Watch the windows, Tino!" The wind-up had the desired effect, causing Best to come charging out of his crease like a man possessed. He took a wild swing at the ball, missed and was promptly stumped by Geraint Jones. Not a broken window in sight. Flintoff could not contain himself and spent the next five minutes giggling like a teenager, as Best sat on the balcony rueing his stupidity.
Viv Richards to Gavaskar
Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2.And he thought there would be less pressure! Viv Richards says "Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."
Steve Waugh and Parthiv Patel
Amidst all the hype surrounding his farewell match, Steve Waugh had to contend with an unexpected dose of his own medicine from a player half his age.
As Waugh fought a grim battle to stave off defeat in the series-deciding fourth Test in Sydney, 19 year-old Indian wicket-keeper Parthiv Patel tried to unsettle the veteran batsman through some banter.
The baby-faced Patel egged on the 38 year-old stalwart to play one of his sweep shots one last time.
The India 'keeper was saying, 'Come on, just one more of the famous slog-sweeps before you finish'
Waugh replied: 'Look, show a bit of respect. You were in nappies when I debuted 18 years ago'.
Rod Marsh and Ian Botham
When Botham took guard in a Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife and my kids?"
Trueman and Aussie batsman
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate,
Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."
Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan
Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!"
Malcolm Marshall and David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
James Ormond and Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by MarkWaugh……..
Mark : “F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England”
James: “Maybe not, but at least i’m the best player in my family”
Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre.
Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out."For christ sake, it's not a 'f*cken test match."
Waugh replies: "Of course it isn't ... You're here."
Mother (in law) of all sledges
In the 1980's Ian Botham returned early from a tour of Pakistan, and on radio joked "Pakistan is the sort of country to send your mother in-law to." Needless to say the Pakistanis did not find this amusing, and when Pakistan defeated England in the 1992 World Cup Final, Aamer Sohail told Ian Botham "Why don't you send your mother-in-law out to play, she cannot do much worse."
Barmy Army Vs Shane Warne
England's "Barmy Army" recently decided to sledge leg spinner Shane Warne musically, and it has been described as boorishly personal, but effective.
The sledge was based on Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - the "Where's your poppa gone?" Song. It has been converted to "Where's your missus gone?" (Warne had recently been divorced in life)
Special Mention
Inzamam-ul-Haq once told Brett Lee to "stop bowling off spinners".
In the recent Karachi Test when Irfan Pathan came to bat in 2nd Innings Afridi shouted two times " O mera Shehzada aaya ! " (Oh! my prince has come)
nice one regarding sledging.
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Sledging has always been a part of cricket. Even the great WG Grace did it.
Once in an exhibition match given out leg-before, he refused to walk and told the umpire: "They came to watch me bat, not you bowl". And the innings continued.
Grace's ability to stand his ground would have done Sunil Gavaskar proud. Once, when the ball knocked off a bail, he replaced it and told the umpire: "Twas the wind which took thy bail orf, good sir."
The umpire replied: "Indeed, doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on thy journey back to the pavilion."
The best WG Grace sledge was on him, though, not from him. Charles Kortright had dismissed him four or five times in a county game - only for the umpires to keep turning down his appeals. Finally, he uprooted two of Grace's three stumps. Grace stalled, as though waiting for a no-ball call or something, before reluctantly walking off with Kortright's words in his ears: "Surely you're not going, doctor? There's still one stump standing."
The Prasad Vs Sohail Incident: Hero to Zero in 3 easy steps
Chasing India's score of 287-8, pakistan got off to a flyer of a start, Amir Sohail and Saeed Anwar went about tearing the Indian bowling attack. Pakistan looked all set to win as they reached 110 odd for the loss of just 1 wicket within the 15 overs.
1. Play a Great Shot: Amir Sohail was completely bent on demolishing the Indian bowling to pieces, charging down the track to the faster bowlers (if u can call Prasad that) in this particular case he came down the ground (a good 4-5 steps, anymore and he would have hit Prasad too) and slashed the bowl over vacant off side area... the ball disappeared into the fence in a flash .... what followed has since been etched in the memories of every cricket fan in the subcontinent.
2. Act Oversmart:Amir Sohail is no Miandad. But he tries to be,and fails miserably. Sohail after hitting the shot pointed his bat the area where the bowl had disappeared and then towards Prasad apparently gesturing where he will send the next one.
Its not everyday that you see a batsman sledging the bowler, and Sohail was about to learn just why.
3. Get what you called for: Sohail attempting to repeat the shot (albeit with his feet stuck to the ground this time) made room and exposed his stumps, and his weakness, and in return lost his wicket and his face.
As the wicket lay uprooted, Prasad returned the favour to Sohail, pointing to the pavilion this time.
The comeback was truly remarkable, almost a miracle .... Prasad has bowled thousands of deliveries and taken hundereds of wickets in his career but, it was this one granted him a place in the History of Indian Cricket .. for ever... the ghost of Miandad's last ball six was exorcised, once and for all.
Steve Waugh Vs Curtly Ambrose Episode.
It really does not get any bigger than this, the two legends of cricket came face to face, literally and engrossed in a verbal duel in a test match in Trinidad. All the juicy details were not to be known until Steve Waugh came out with his autobiography.
Ambrose repeatedly stared Waugh down during a searing spell, and Waugh, who sized up the towering Ambrose, said: "What the f*ck are you looking at? "
Ambrose was stunned because, as Waugh says (in his Autobiography), "no one had ever been stupid enough" to speak to him like that.
Ambrose replied, "Don't cuss me, man", before Waugh's response, which had nothing to do with bowling.
"Unfortunately, nothing inventive or witty came to mind, rather another piece of personal abuse: 'Why don't you go and get f*cked.' "
The Windies skipper Richie Richardson had a hard time keeping Ambrose from hurting the Aussie.
McGrath Vs Brandes
In a showdown of best pacers of two countries, Brandes made up for his complete absence of batting skills by some displaying some great sense of humor and presence of mind.
Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit."
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset. Glamorgan quickie Greg Thomas had beaten Viv Richards' bat a couple of times and informed the legendary West Indian ace: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."
Merv Hughes and Viv Richards
Merv Hughes usually never short of a word while on the field, rarely keeps quite. During a test match in the West Indies Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*ck off."
Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir
The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan. Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence Sachin Tendulkar was facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crows jeered and mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying ""Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over. The frustaded mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying "Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`).
Sachin was silent, since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking. Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, David had felled Goliath ... and a legend was born.
Ian Healy Vs RANatunga
Ian Healy's made a legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c*nt!"
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan
Sarwan, the West Indies vice-captain, and McGrath went toe-to-toe in an ugly shouting match in Antigua in May 2003, The incident was sparked after Sarwan, on his way to a match-winning second-innings century, reportedly reacted to lurid taunts from McGrath by telling him he should get the answers from his wife, who was recovering from radiation therapy for secondary cancer.
The details:
McGrath: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*cking rip your F*fing throat out."
Mark Waugh Vs Adam Parore
Mark Waugh was standing at second slip, Adam Parore relatively new to cricket came to the crease played & missed the first ball.
Mark Waugh- "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're fu*king useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt". “
Ravi shastri v/s Mike Whitney
Its common knowledge that Indian's usually don't resort to sledging, and the Aussies swear by it. In this rare ocassion the tables had turned and it was the Aussies who were at the receiving end.
Shastri hits the ball towards Mike Whitney (the 12th man in the game) and looks for a single, this guy gets the ball in and says
Whitney: "If you leave the crease i’ll break your f***ing head"
Shastri didn't bat an eyelid before replying : "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
Merv Hughes Vs Cronje
Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.
After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.
Robin Smith and Merv Hughes
During 1989 Lords Test, Merv Hughes said to Robin Smith after he played and missed: "You can't f*cking bat".
Simth replied, both with the bat and with words, he smashed Hughes to the boundry and said "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f*cking bat and you can't f*cking bowl."
Team mates Sledging
England were playing Pakistan and, at what turned out to be a crucial moment later on, Frank Tyson managed to get an outside edge off a Pakistani batsman after the batsman had been frustrating them on a hot sweaty day. The ball went right through the hands of Raman Subba Rao who was standing in first slip and through his legs. After the over Raman heads over to the bowler and says, "Sorry Frank, I should've closed my legs." Frank Tyson, who didn't find any of this amusing, quipped back, "No, you bastard, your mother should have."
Ian Healy Vs a Short chubby batsman
In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike.
Ian Healy yelled to Warne, "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped"
The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics, all this was before a classic reply from the batsman.
The exact words: "Nah, Boonie (David Boon) fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."
Miandad Vs Lillee
Miandad played Lillee to square leg and completed an easy run, with a collision taking place in the center. According to Miandad, Lillee had tried to block him in the path. After a verbal exchange, Lillee went ahead and kicked Miandad on his pads. Miandad, started charging towards Lillee with his bat lifted high above the head, as if to hit him. The umpire’s intervention prevented what could have turned out to be a real assault had Miandad gone head with his plans. However, the picture of Miandad hurling his bat at Lillee made the whole incident look even worse, and was promptly declared as the most indignified incident in the history of Cricket.
Lillee’s version, to this day, had Miandad first hitting him with the bat, and then swearing at him. He maintained that there was no contact from his side throughout the incident.
Note: The author is awsare if the fact that this incident has nothing to do with sledging, but found the temptation of mentioning the episode was too hard to resist.
The Frog Jumping incident, 1992 India Vs Pakistan
India vs Pakistan matches are always a treat to watch, and if its the World Cup its stakes are even greater. Javed Miandad, the Bad boy of cricket, at the receiving end for once. Miffed by the verbals from Kiran More, he complains “Insaan khel rahe hain janwaar nahin” (Human beings are playing not animals). And after a sharp run out chance, where Miandad closely survives Miandad starts jumping up and down, face distorted imitating Kiran More’s appealing. A sight to behold. Pure comedy. Pakistan loses the match but go on to win the cup.
'I did it instinctively', Miandad later told. He added, 'Hey, is this the way you appeal for everything? Don't appeal like that'.
Dropped the Cup?
Perhaps the most famous sledge in a World Cup match took place the epic Super Six clash between Australia and South Africa (in 2003). South Africa looked on course to a routine victory with Australian captain Steve Waugh at the crease and on 56. At that stage, Waugh clipped the ball in the air straight to South African fielder Herschelle Gibbs. In his haste, Gibbs dropped the ball when attempting to throw it in the air in celebration as he had not fully controlled it. As he passed him, Waugh is said to have asked Gibbs: "How does it feel to have dropped the World Cup?". Waugh carried on to make an unbeaten 120 and Australia posted an unlikely win and won the World Cup a few days later.
Waugh has however denied that quote, instead claiming that he said "looks like you've dropped the match".
Hughes Vs Miandad
The inimitable Merv Hughes has forgotten more about sledging than most people will ever know, so he was more than a little miffed to be on the receiving end in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan. Hughes and Javed Miandad almost came to blows after the Pakistani batsman dared to call big Merv a "fat bus conductor". But revenge was sweet for Hughes. A few balls later he finally got his man and as Miandad walked past, he could not resist shouting "Tickets, please!"
Dennis Lillee Vs Sunil Gavaskar
Dennis Lillee and Sunil Gavaskar, were involved in a war of words in the 3rd Test, MCG, February 1981. A historic win for India in that Test would definitely not have taken place had Sunil Gavaskar not calmed down. He clashed with Australian fast bowler Dennis Lillee, who Gavaskar claims abused him after claiming his wicket and the Indian captain asked non-striker Chetan Chauhan to walk off the field, forfeiting the match. Gavaskar was batting on 70 when Lillee appealed for a leg before decision. Gavaskar showed his bat to the umpire, indicating he had ‘nicked’ the ball before it hit his pads. Angry words were exchanged between the batsman and the bowler, and Lillee even went to the extent of pointing to the batsman the spot where the ball had his pads. The decision went in favour of the bowler and as Gavaskar started his long, dejected walk back to the pavilion, Lillee turned around and abused him. That was it. Gavaskar snapped, and decided to forfeit the match.
Later, Gavaskar was to write in his book ‘Idols’: “That (the walkout) was the most regrettable incidents of my life. Whatever may be the provocation and whatever the reason, there was no justification for my action and I realize now that I did not behave the way a captain and sportsman should.”
Flintoff Vs Tino Best
Best, never short of a word or two when he is bowling, was done up like a kipper by the England all-rounder as West Indies slumped to defeat in the first Test. Flintoff saw his opponent preparing to face Giles' off-spin and shouted: "Watch the windows, Tino!" The wind-up had the desired effect, causing Best to come charging out of his crease like a man possessed. He took a wild swing at the ball, missed and was promptly stumped by Geraint Jones. Not a broken window in sight. Flintoff could not contain himself and spent the next five minutes giggling like a teenager, as Best sat on the balcony rueing his stupidity.
Viv Richards to Gavaskar
Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2.And he thought there would be less pressure! Viv Richards says "Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."
Steve Waugh and Parthiv Patel
Amidst all the hype surrounding his farewell match, Steve Waugh had to contend with an unexpected dose of his own medicine from a player half his age.
As Waugh fought a grim battle to stave off defeat in the series-deciding fourth Test in Sydney, 19 year-old Indian wicket-keeper Parthiv Patel tried to unsettle the veteran batsman through some banter.
The baby-faced Patel egged on the 38 year-old stalwart to play one of his sweep shots one last time.
The India 'keeper was saying, 'Come on, just one more of the famous slog-sweeps before you finish'
Waugh replied: 'Look, show a bit of respect. You were in nappies when I debuted 18 years ago'.
Rod Marsh and Ian Botham
When Botham took guard in a Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife and my kids?"
Trueman and Aussie batsman
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate,
Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."
Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan
Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!"
Malcolm Marshall and David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
James Ormond and Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by MarkWaugh……..
Mark : “F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England”
James: “Maybe not, but at least i’m the best player in my family”
Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre.
Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out."For christ sake, it's not a 'f*cken test match."
Waugh replies: "Of course it isn't ... You're here."
Mother (in law) of all sledges
In the 1980's Ian Botham returned early from a tour of Pakistan, and on radio joked "Pakistan is the sort of country to send your mother in-law to." Needless to say the Pakistanis did not find this amusing, and when Pakistan defeated England in the 1992 World Cup Final, Aamer Sohail told Ian Botham "Why don't you send your mother-in-law out to play, she cannot do much worse."
Barmy Army Vs Shane Warne
England's "Barmy Army" recently decided to sledge leg spinner Shane Warne musically, and it has been described as boorishly personal, but effective.
The sledge was based on Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - the "Where's your poppa gone?" Song. It has been converted to "Where's your missus gone?" (Warne had recently been divorced in life)
Special Mention
Inzamam-ul-Haq once told Brett Lee to "stop bowling off spinners".
In the recent Karachi Test when Irfan Pathan came to bat in 2nd Innings Afridi shouted two times " O mera Shehzada aaya ! " (Oh! my prince has come)
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Google Search..
I was feeling really jobless today and guess what I just typed my name in Google search and this is what I got.
On clicking the link, I got the L-3 MAPPS News letter where I and a few L-3 Engineers were posing in front of INS Shardul during the commissioning ceremony.
Check this link out for further details http://www.mapps.l-3com.com/html/marine/pdf/newsletters/MCN18.pdf
Hey I am searchable on Google !!
On clicking the link, I got the L-3 MAPPS News letter where I and a few L-3 Engineers were posing in front of INS Shardul during the commissioning ceremony.
Check this link out for further details http://www.mapps.l-3com.com/html/marine/pdf/newsletters/MCN18.pdf
Hey I am searchable on Google !!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Suddenly someone threw a bucket of water on us..
Saturday Night 10.00PM
I and nidhi reached the vijaynagar bus stand for yet another trek/ bike ride. We met shaggy and got into the sleeper bus. After a two hour discussion on our exploits in Montreal and
Sunday morning 7.00 AM
We entered my birth city Mangalore. The bus was delayed by an hour and a half and we met harris at kottari chowk. Harris told us that monsoon had started on Saturday and it was raining the whole yesterday. He also told us that it might not rain today. The next moment there was a roar from the sky and it poured cats and dogs for the next 15 minutes. By the time we got ready it had stopped raining. Harris told us the next bad news – the guy who was supposed to get the car couldn’t arrange for it and there would be only bikes (six of them).
8.30 AM – 9.15 AM
We reached the meeting point Infy campus or building and after everyone came we had our breakfast and started the GREAT BIKE RIDE.
9.15 AM - 11.00 AM
All the six bikes were fuelled and their tyre pressures were checked. Harris and I were on a bike, Nidhi and shaggy on another. Harris had got an amazing piece of bike. No Rear view mirror (So I had to give live commentary) and the back brake was not good. We drove on and on the way I saw the hospital I was born in- Bolurs Nursing home(this was the first time I was seeing this hospital)
We drove till Bantwal cross road were we got our lunch parceled. I stupidly put my food into my bag(you will know the reason why I am scolding myself) As we started we heard a sound – nidhi’s tyre had a puncture(indicative about the things to come). We did timepass for another 45 minutes till his bike was ready.
11.00 AM
We started the bike ride again. Stopping sometimes for rain break or for pee break. We stopped at a place where there was a beautiful view of the nethravati river and its pristine surroundings.
We traveled another 20-30 Kms when it started raining. Initially it was a normal rain but suddenly the intensity increased. I have point to tell over here. Shaggy and myself weren’t wearing helmets. The rain gave us a Acupuncture or in better words a facial massage. It was like small needles pricking us all over the face. We traveled another 15 Kms till we could bear no more. I had enough of the needle pricking business when luckily we saw the whole gang had stopped under trees.
12.15 PM The Accident.
When the rains had reduced in intensity we decided to move on. After another 10 Kms it again started drizzling. The winding roads of the ghat had started. The traffic was - less around a vehicle every 2 minutes. Two Bikes went ahead of us. Harris was right in the middle of the road. At that point of time a car came in from nowhere. The two bikes moved away in time. Harris applied the back brake, which didn’t work. So he was forced to apply the front brake. The car zoomed by and at the same our vehicle skidded. Harris went down with the vehicle. I had harris’s and my bag with me. I landed right in the middle of the road (Like a jumbo jet). I had dislocated my shoulder but luckily it came back in place. A Lorry which was coming in the Opposite direction, but was coming towards us very slowly and we could move out of the road. Harris got some minor injuries on his hand and leg. The bikes indicator had gone for a toss. Other than that the bike was still in a usable condition.
We reached a place called GUNDIYA where he had some snacks. At Gundiya we took a diversion towards Subramanya. There was another hours drive to a point where he had to take another diversion to BISELE GHAT. By the time we reached here it was 2.35PM. We decide to drive till 3.00PM and then turn back. There was another 15KM drive to be covered. Luckily it had not rained from Gundiya village. Ours was the slowest bike and we couldn’t go beyond 40KM/Hr. The BISELE GHAT section started and we were totally isolated. There was no sign of any traffic any side. Here I began to relax and enjoy the scenery, the pristine hills, the forest ,the Fog in Bisele. At 3.15PM there was no sign of anybody. We started wondering if we had taken the right route. After another 5 minutes we found Shaggy and nidhi taking pictures. After a small break. We started again. After negotiating two hairpin curves and another 20 minutes we finally reached the place where everyone had stopped for a break. After a few snaps we deicded to turn back (at this pt of time we didn’t know we were just 2KMs from BISELE Point.)
4.00PM
We started climbing down the GHAT section. We saw a beautiful waterfall and decided to have a break. I walked to the vicinity of the falls wearing my Woodland Shoes (I was to lazy to pull them out) I saw Shaggy coming near the falls and decided to show off. I told him to remove his shoes since it is very slippery. The next moment I fell down. Today was surely not my day. I decided to climb the water falls. As I started the climbing I made a mistake of climbing from the side. At one point of time I was in a soup. The place was very slippery. I couldnt climb up, nor climb down. I was slowly slipping down. I had to move side wards right into the falls. I finally managed to climb up. After a few Photo sessions and discovering some more areas we started the climb down. Fully drenched and tired from yet another fall finally climbed the bike and we started the journey back.
4.30 PM
We decided to have our Lunch in some wilderness. I opened my bag to find that my food packet had opened and the Veg Biriyani had opened had got mixed with my last set of clothes. Anyways as we were having what was remaining of our food, we realized lot of animal bones were scattered around us. This really freaked us out. We soon started on our way back.
We were ripping on our bikes at 70 km/ hr when the rain began. First everything was quiet. Then suddenly it was like “Somebody threw a bucket of water on us”. It poured and poured and poured from then on. We got drenched like … The rain droplets were like pricking needles. It pricked me on all over my face, neck. It pricked me so much that I realized that there was a internal connection between ear, nose and eyes. We were still another 110 kms away from our place. With no choice we drove the bikes for another hour in the rain till we reached some town. There was an experienced biker cum trekker in our group. He decided to swap with our bike. Then on, we just drove and drove through the rain. Once we reached the highway, the traffic increased and so did the risk of getting knocked over. There were lots of errant lorry drivers in the opposite side who would nearly drive us off the road. One pair of trekkers met with an accident on the highway. To avoid the oncoming Lorry, they had to jump into the nearby drain. They were lucky that they escaped with cuts and bruises.
We halted at a place fully drenched, where a villager asked “ Yennu Saar Malle barutha ittha?” We did not have the energy to give reply. Anyways we finally reached Harris’s house at 9.00 PM to know that the bus was 2 hours late. Thank god!!
Konkani Tongue Twister
Well this is one of those rare tongue twisters in Konkani
Putturche Padmanabha Paina
Pikkile Papashpala
Pejele Peskatena Pasa Pasa Pesunu
Pitle Polerantu Patlanu
Preeti Patni Padmavatika Petondille
Putturche Padmanabha Paina
Pikkile Papashpala
Pejele Peskatena Pasa Pasa Pesunu
Pitle Polerantu Patlanu
Preeti Patni Padmavatika Petondille
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